no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.