I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar