i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
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she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
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You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?