i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?