omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
handjob tips. give me some.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
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I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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