her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
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I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
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Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever