he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.