Since when is my name a synonym for head?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.