What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill