Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
