3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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