I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...