Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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