Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
