Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
