i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
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It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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