Will you blow on my dice?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My liver is preforming stress tests.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
