Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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