I wish I could teleport
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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