went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
