spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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