she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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