She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
