6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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