so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
