Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
