whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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