i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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