The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
