I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
if only i could text you this smell
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
