I wish my penis had an off switch
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Success! We fucked roommates!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
