I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
