nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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