I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
