She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
