I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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