You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My vagina is officially offended.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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