i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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