So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
