to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize