her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
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Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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