Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
