you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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