I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
