I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
pop tarts are not kleenex
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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