Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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