we have officially mastered the walk of shame
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
