Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
