I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
