I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
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Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
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If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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