God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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