I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have fence marks all over my body
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
