i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
