im having a threesome with these popsicles
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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