I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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