It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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