So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
