just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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