the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
