I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize