There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
