You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
