I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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