How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
