omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
