how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
