Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
