it wasn't lemon gatorade
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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