yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
